May 22 Update: Homecoming!

Part 1: The Anticipation...

Praise be to God, the day has finally dawned! Our little Jayna will be discharged this very afternoon, and will brighten our home with her arrival. In the hope that I can in some small way convey to you all both the anticipation and the thrill of her arrival, I've decided to write this entry in two parts; a pre and a post homecoming. Jayna has been off oxygen since Wednesday, May 11 (notice that lovely "0") and off caffeine since Saturday May 14. She has gone 7 days without incident since the caffeine was removed. We took everyone to visit Jayna in the hospital one last time on Thursday and brought in her carseat at the doctor's request. Neither of us had been aware before, but preemies must pass a carseat test before they can be discharged. This test consists of seating the sleeping child in their carseat and monitoring them for any breathing/heart/oxygen issues for 30 minutes. She failed the first test on Thursday, but passsed with flying colours in the re-test 24 hours later. That was the last hurdle. Now only the finish line remains!

Everyone here is so excited, but none so apparently as our youngest two; 6 and 7 years old. They, with all of us, have prayed and thanked God each day for Jayna's safe arrival. They are up early with me, eagerly discussing between them what life will be like here with their new baby sister. On Friday our 13 year old son and I worked energetically on our bedroom, rearranging it to accommodate Jayna's crib and change station while the rest of the kids broke into teams, each taking a section of the house to tidy. Below is a picture of the part of our bedroom I've obtained security clearance to post on the internet. Candy and I have been surveying this scene with expectancy since Friday. I'll drop my dear wife off at the hospital this morning, come home to see the kids off to church for 3pm, then head back to the hospital to pick up our little peanut for the maiden voyage in our luxuriously silver and rust coloured 2002 Elantra GT. I feel like renting a Cadillac! But lets keep what's important, important.

Part 2: The Thrill...

Slight change of plans - we were late getting to the hospital, so rather than drop Candy and return for her and Jayna later, we just stayed together, received a flurry of last minute instruction from the Doc and nurses, and left the hospital at 2:00, WITH JAYNA!!!

She's home, and rather than run on at the mouth trying to put words to the incredible feeling, I've strung together a little v-log, accessible below, for you all to see. I'll apologize in advance for the lack of polish, and the fact that it ends rather abruptly. My eyes were beginning to cross towards the end there...

Praise the Lord!! Thank you all so much for your continued prayer. It has been a long journey, and one that has only just begun, but we are so grateful to have her finally home. As I write this, the children have yet to see her home - but they will be returning from church soon and then the party will begin in earnest. Soooo exciting.

May 13 Update: Who Needs Oxygen Anyway?!

Our little beauty was taken off of oxygen on Wednesday! Now, they will only be giving her supplemental oxygen during her feedings. Jayna is behaving more and more like a newborn: her wakeful times are lengthening in duration, she’s fussing more when she’s uncomfortable, and she’s really chunking out! Her feeds are more frequently by bottle now rather than gavage tube, though the nurses still have a difficult time keeping her awake long enough for her to complete a bottle feed. Candy was able to nurse her for 20 minutes the other day, a breakthrough for sure. She is till having apneic spells where she will stop breathing altogether causing her oxygen sats to plummet. We’re being told that if she can go five straight days without a spell, they will remove the caffeine. After that, she’ll need to go another five days without a spell before they will feel comfortable discharging her. So at the very least, she will be in hospital for another ten days. Interestingly, we’re finding this period a bit more difficult in a way because now that Jayna is behaving as a newborn, her need for extra care is not so apparent to us, making it harder to leave her there each day. Our other children are feeling the strain as well. Just the other day, our seven year old daughter came to us and said, “Daddy, it’s sad when a member of your family is in the hospital, and they’re taking so long to come home. You just want them to come home.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Though it is sometimes sad, there is also hope. I was reminded last week that hope, the hope we have in Jesus, does not disappoint. So we press through, in hope believing, and know that it is simply a matter of time before the peanut joins her family at home. Thank you all again for your prayers and support. I've added a little video below, isn't she sweet!

May 06 Update: Of Flu's and School and the Little Dipper

Jayna is today 5.005 pounds of pure baby. Apparently Mommy's got the goods! She's due for another echo of her heart today, as well as an eye test; both routine. I mentioned last week that she had been put back on caffeine, and that has not changed. Up until today, she had not had a brady (heart) dip for an entire week, however this morning her heart rate dipped to 65 for 15 seconds. She did bounce back from that without intervention though, which is a good sign. Candy spoke with the doctor yesterday and she explained how the caffeine, Jayna's heart rate, and the oxygen saturation in her blood are all interconnected. She said the reason they had kept the caffeine going despite no brady dips was that Jayna had still been having O2 desaturations, (O2 level dipping below 88 for a prolonged period). They had thought to remove the caffeine again today since she hadn't had a brady dip for so long and has been averaging only one O2 dip per day, but that may not happen now given this morning's episode; we shall see. You may be wondering what the big deal is about the caffeine - basically it's one of those milestones we need to see before she can come home. I guess sometimes you just have to quit the coffee before anything good can happen in your life. Other things that need to happen are the successful withdrawal of additional O2,  and a demonstration that she can stay awake long enough to get all her feeds in by bottle or breast. Our little dipper is incorrigibly snoozy. With all our other kids, it was possible to wake them when they'd fallen asleep feeding, but Jayna is just too interested in the back of her eyelids, which necessitates any remaining feeding being given by gavage tube. Our oldest son, born at 35 weeks, was also a pretty sleepy baby. It is quite normal for pre-mature or pre-term babies to be sleepy. I think I might be a preemie in disguise.

So flu kinda' rhymes with school but that's about as good as it gets. Last Saturday, we had a scary episode here as our middle son abruptly came into the living room from bed announcing with tears and a panicked look on his face that he could not breathe. One of our other children had had a flu earlier in the week, and he had apparently caught it with a vengeance. We prayed, then immediately administered an asthma puffer, threw him in the car and were off to CHEO. It was 10:20pm. At 4:20am we crawled up the steps and collapsed into bed after blood work, a dual shot of antibiotics, and a steroid for his breathing. I finally succumbed to the bloomin' bug yesterday, and I've been wandering around the house uselessly ever since; school's out!

Keep us in prayer. We're struggling to push through, "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place"(2 Cor 2:14). I say this from a place of need and trust, because I don't feel very triumphant at the moment. Here's a verse I read this morning, that I hadn't noticed before, "...if you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all" (Isa. 7:9b). We need to live our life by faith, losing ourselves and embracing Christ. If we cannot be firm in that most fundamental of places, the rest will not work right, consigning us to frustration and rendering us unfruitful. Please pray for us, that we will exercise mountain moving faith, and trust the Lord with all our hearts!

April 28 Update: Of Spilt Milk and Caffeine

What? Caffeine? Addictive?!

Today Jayna would have been 35 weeks in the womb. She is 6 weeks old and weighs 4.3 pounds.  Since our last update we've discovered that caffeine really is addictive. Who would'a thunk it! Jayna was put back on caffeine this past Saturday when it became apparent she was not yet able to sustain an acceptable respiratory and heart rate without it. It seems she wasn't ready to quit her morning coffee cold turkey. Little munchkin!

The past week has been rather uneventful as we continue to wait for Jayna to gain the strength she needs to be discharged from hospital and start her life at home. When either of us show up at the unit, the nurses back off and we're in charge - we change her, bathe her, hold her, and Candy has had ever increasing success at nursing her (exciting!), all of which has has been encouraging, priming us for the impending hand-off. So although we've had our fair share of language issues with the staff at NICU here, and are still trying to get used to the somewhat looser approach they take in the care of our little dipper, all in all I'd say we've been able to communicate with them at an acceptable level. We've just had to exercise a little assertiveness, something which Candy is loathe to do (yes, you heard it here first!), and I have a hard time doing without being rude, towering over people, and appearing maniacal. I now prefer to sit clean shaven (sort of), and bespectacled when I assert myself. People seem to respond better to me that way. Imagine!


No More Bleed!

Great news! This morning Jayna had another head ultrasound taken, and it came back clear; the brain bleed is gone! Praise the Lord!

Spilt Milk

On the home front things are continuing to move forward, as in - I am approaching 'crazy' at an incredible rate of speed. You see, I know school needs to happen; I decide when I wake up in the morning that it's going to happen; and then it's dinner time and it hasn't happened! At least not to the level I envisioned it should. I've slowly been discovering that the kids don't want to do school. They'd much rather play. I know it should have been obvious, but more often than not I need to learn obvious things by experience before they become truly obvious to me. Maybe I'm not alone. At any rate, our kids need to be motivated to do school and I need to be the motivator.  The problem is that I have a hard enough time motivating myself! I was ranting to Candy about all of this earlier today in the car as we drove to the hospital and she just smiled knowingly and said, "Really?" then went on to explain to me how important it is to make a plan at the beginning of each week, deciding which days we'll be doing school, and how each day will look. So, rather than lament the lost time this week, in essence crying over spilt milk, I'm going to suck it up and push through. All with the help and grace of my Lord, Jesus! Guess what I'll be doing Sunday evening? Enjoy the video!

April 21 Update: Getting Schooled

Today Jayna was bottle-fed for the first time! We arrived at the hospital while they were prepping for feeding time and were told that they had planned to try the bottle for one feeding today, just to see how she would do with it. So Candy nursed Jayna for a brief period until it was apparent she was too tired to continue, (breastfeeding and bottle feeding are like exercise for preemies), and then we transferred her allotted milk to a bottle and Candy was able to feed her that way. What a blessing it was! She sputtered, she coughed, she burped (my kinda girl!) and all of this was so precious - driving home (to me at least) that we actually have a real baby on our hands here! Sounds weird I know, but that's me. All she didn't do for me today was fart, but I'm sure that will come.

Jayna still requires some additional oxygen to keep her levels acceptable, but she has been having fewer dips and spells and has also been tolerating her feedings very well, with fewer spells at the tail end of her feedings than she had been having. They took her off of caffeine 2 days ago and are closely monitoring her heart to see how she will respond. The caffeine was to treat AOP (Apnea of Prematurity) which are spells where Jayna would stop breathing and her heart rate would drop below 80 bpm (normal heart rate for her should be 140-180 bpm). This little shot of morning joe would stimulate her breathing and keep her alert as well as regulate her heart rate. After 7 days off of caffeine, and a clear demonstration that she can handle these dips without it, she will have to go another 5 straight days without an apneic spell, and without requiring additional O2, before the docs will release her into the big wide world. Jayna will be 35 weeks next Thursday. So the earliest we could see her home would be two Wednesdays from now. Praise the Lord!! Please keep praying for her that all of these things will line up at the right time for her to be able to come home.

On the home front, this week has not been as successful school-wise as last week, but the kids are all still alive, well-fed, and happy AND I am happy to report that all of the winter stuff has been gathered, washed, and put away for the season! I can imagine someone might say, "ooh - that's an accomplishment?!", but let me tell you, this is no small task in our home. Seven kids and two adults worth of winter coats, boots, hats, scarves, mitts, neck warmers, snow pants... honestly, it actually feels like you've just won an award when you've completed a task like this! But I digress...

Last night, we took our first family trip somewhere since Jayna was born; a drive to a local park for some fun in the evening sun (and ice cream bars, yah!). We all needed that. It felt great to go out together and do something as a family. The pics you see here at are of Candy schooling her hubby on the court. She is definitely recovering well from that c-section!

April 15 Update: On Marriage, Hospital Transfers and Oatmeal

Yesterday our precious peanut was finally transferred to a hospital closer to home and in our own Belle Province. We had about 2 hours notice of the transfer, but thankfully Candy was already at the hospital when we found out so she was able to travel in the Transport vehicle with Jayna. Once they arrived, and I was able to leave the fracas at home to join her, we were orientated (in quite broken English) as to the policies and procedures for Jayna's new digs. We were very impressed at the effort everyone at the new hospital made to communicate with us in English. They were gentle and patient with us as we asked for clarification on different things. This makes all the difference, I think, to whether our experience there will be a good or a bad one.

Jayna is growing! I was amazed when I saw her yesterday at how much she'd grown in the 4 days since I'd last seen her. She's now 3.5 lbs and showing some definite chunk!! Her oxygen levels are improving as well, which has been very encouraging. We were told before she was transferred that in the move from one hospital to another, she was essentially going from one of the healthiest babies at the one hospital, to one of the 'sickest' babies at the other, so we could expect the staff at the new hospital to be on edge until they were confident Jayna's condition was stable and improving. In keeping with that estimation, Jayna is back in an isollette (incubator) for at least 48hrs. Also, if we want to handle her, we must wear a gown and latex gloves. Not sure whether that is a 48hr thing as well, but that could end up a point of contention with us as we have been enjoying skin to skin care with her for some time now. To not be able to touch her without gloves seems a little over cautious and even detrimental to Jayna's overall development. So pray for us that we will be gentle in our communication, and that this new NICU will lighten up a bit and let us hold our child without a latex barrier. Overall, though, we are excited to have her closer to home, and impressed with what we've seen of the staff here in Quebec.

On the home front, we had decided this past week-end to try to establish some semblance of a routine in our lives for sanity's sake. We decided to treat the visits to the hospital as we would a job, where Candy leaves early-(ish) for the hospital each day, and I stay home and do school with the kids (along with meals, laundry, cleaning - whatever). After week one, I have re-discovered that I absolutely love teaching the kids, but before anyone goes and gets the idea that I am a super-dad, let it be known that laundry and housework did not really get done this week. The kids are all still alive, and not TOO hungry, so I believe overall the week was a success here at the house, but I have a lot to learn about managing a home. It seems that we are in an either/or situation here. Either the housework and school get done and the kids go hungry, OR school and meals get done but the house goes to pot.  Thank God for week-ends!! All you homeschooling moms - God bless you.  You have my utmost respect and admiration.

Today Candy and I celebrate our 16th anniversary. Sixteen years ago today, at this very moment, 08:50, I was scarfing down my step-mom's amazing oatmeal; my last breakfast as a single man. Today we celebrate our glorious union and guess what's for breakfast?  I was told before we got married that I should think long and hard before having kids, that they would "suck the life right out of me". Now, at one child every two years since we said the words, "I Do", I can truly agree with the thinking part of that admonition, but nothing would 'suck' more than life without these precious kids. We're better for having had them, they truly are a blessing from the Lord, and my amazing wife is truly a fruitful vine at the heart of our home.

April 09 Update: To Fret or Not to Fret

Moving... moving... moving...

Yesterday we were told that Jayna will be transferred sometime soon to a hospital in our own province, (we live in Quebec but she is presently at an Ottawa hospital). I will admit that when I first heard this, my heart sank. I began worrying over language issues, quality of care for Jayna, parking issues, and the list goes on. I started to panic and think of ways we could possibly persuade the medical team in Ottawa to let her remain there and forego the transfer. The issue was fast becoming a mountain in my mind until a bit later in the day after a conversation with my wise wife. Simply put, my response had been one of fear and not of faith and was an indicator that I had begun to put my trust in man. Over the course of the evening, and into this morning, I was able to work through this and come to a place again where I realize that wherever Jayna goes, whatever her care, at the risk of sounding cliche, God is in control. He knows where she will be, and He will be with her there as He's been with her everywhere else. Her Great Physician is a travelling doctor who will not leave her side. Considering that this travelling Doctor is the One who formed her inward parts and knit her together in her mother's womb, I'd say she's in pretty safe hands! My worrying won't accomplish anything but a little loss of hair pigment.

Around 2 months before this whole affair began Candy had been reading through the book of James in the Bible and the Holy Spirit impressed on her heart how important it was going to be for us to be patient and endure. That whole principal of patient endurance kept coming back to her and as she shared it with me I could really see that the Lord was speaking to us, though at the time we had no idea what was coming. Up to this point I've been sort of coasting along, but it has finally begun to sink in (I'm a little of a hard-boiled egg when it comes to learning life lessons), how much I need to rest in Jesus, and through prayer and quiet rest, allow Him to bear this burden rather than try to figure everything out and tackle it all on my own. In this way, I can be patient and endure this thing with joy and peace rather than anxiety.

So fast forward to this morning... Candy and I got up early, scarfed down a quick breakfast and left for the hospital as soon as we could, picking up my mom and sister along the way. We wanted to be there for Jayna's 11:00 handling time so Candy could hold her and try to introduce Jayna to nursing. When we arrived, we learned that the doctors had not done their rounds yet. This was great news for me as it meant we would be there for rounds, (our first time since she was born), and having the entire team there to answer our questions is an ideal situation. When the team of doctors arrived for rounds, who would be the Neonatologist on staff but a man we knew from a church we used to attend in Ottawa. In fact, I had taught his eldest son in children's church there! Though it had been 10 years since we'd seen him, he recognized us right away and we had a great update on Jayna's condition and detailed replies to our questions complete with video animation (he showed us on his iPad what Jayna's heart looks like). I felt so blessed to know that he was there, a Christian doctor taking care of my daughter. I was so encouraged by these things and knew that all of this had been orchestrated by the Lord. It's like the Lord was just putting an exclamation point on all that I'd been meditating on.

So Jayna is in a cot now, no more incubator or heated bed. Her O2 needs are still higher than they should be but they were able to reduce that again this morning after suctioning more goop out of her nasal passage. I guess she's still fighting this cold. Not surprising when you consider most of us take around 2 weeks to fight through a cold and WE  have fully developed immune systems. She has a slight heart murmur, but nothing of any concern. There's no plan for a repeat brain ultrasound until she's ready for discharge, and another x-ray of her chest yesterday turned up no sign of any lung issues. They will hold off transferring her to this other hospital until her oxygen needs stabilize. As of now it's day to day - they will decide each morning based on her condition whether or not the transfer will happen. This is fine with us. Again, we know who holds tomorrow!